I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
