Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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