It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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