I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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