i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
