Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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