I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
