Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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