So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
