I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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