remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
