Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
