I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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