At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
