i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
