i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
