I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize