You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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