guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
