So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
