he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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