After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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