my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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