I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
zippers are such a cool invention
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
