How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
