Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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