I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
