i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
