Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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