OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
