HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
