yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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