meet me or not, i'm out of control
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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