you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
