im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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