just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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