My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
