therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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