Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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