definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
