my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
