Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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