When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
