READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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