Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
