I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
