; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
