Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
