Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
