we have officially lost it.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
