just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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