I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
