in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Im part way to drunk.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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