Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
