go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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