Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize