I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
