So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize