I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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