I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She made me pour olive oil on her.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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