Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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