Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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