Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
the liver wants what the liver wants
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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