its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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