I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
