i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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