i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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