she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
