Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
