Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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