I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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