My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
