I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
