Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize