Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
