also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
