So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
