We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
