You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
