There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
