I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize