what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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