i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
