did you get engaged???
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
