Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
