I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I came so hard my ears popped.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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