Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize