you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
