Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
