Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
